Sucky saturday

I’d be lying if I said today didn’t suck. I wish there was a better descriptor for today, but unfortunately, there just isn’t. Today was one of those days that started off just fine, but quickly turned into a “what in the world is going on” kind of day. This morning I woke up at 6:30am which is pretty normal for me even on a Saturday. I got some housework done early, went and got feed for the chickens, and then got Zeke ready to go for a visit with his dad. I asked Zeke if he was going to see his dad today and he audibly said “yeah”, shook his head yes, and said “yeah” again. It was seriously so sweet. Zeke’s dad and I have recently come to an agreement with visitations and he is now getting longer visits with Zeke every other weekend. Today Zeke audibly called his dad “dad” for the first time when he came to pick him up. It was such a bittersweet moment. Zeke still points at pictures of Chris and calls him “Dada” when I talk to Zeke about Chris, but this was the first time I had heard Zeke call Josh “dad”. I’m thankful that he is building that relationship with his dad since Chris isn’t here to fill that daily roll anymore.

After Zeke left for his visit with his dad, I headed to Spring to take Lucy to be rehomed with Brittany, Chris’s best friend Cory’s daughter. Lucy has struggled with Mo. Mo wants to play with Lucy and Rose, and they want absolutely NO part of it. This morning Lucy literally bit at Mo and started barking at her when she tried to play with her. It has been a struggle with trying to get the little dogs to adjust with Mo. While I knew that this is the best possible situation for Lucy, it was still hard to take her to live with someone else since I had agreed to take Lucy from Chris’s dad since he didn’t want to care for her anymore. When I arrived to Brittany’s house I was greeted at the door by sweet Lainee who had no idea I was bringing Lucy, just that Aunt Erin was coming by. She was so excited to see that I was there to bring Lucy which made it all ok.

After I left Brittany’s I headed to Cory and Tina’s for a bit. It is always good to see them. It reminds me of all the wonderful times I had with them, and with Chris, and makes me thankful for the family that I have with them even though Chris is gone. I am beyond blessed to have an extended family with their family. As someone who has lost so many people, it is such a blessing to have them love me and keep me around. It was so good to have that time with them since I hadn’t been able to hang out with them for almost a month due to my schedule being so chaotic lately.

As I headed home, I received a text that I was NOT expecting. Apparently Chris’s ex had made a post on Facebook about how I wasn’t giving his daughter her belongings. This completely caught me off guard since I haven’t spoken to them at all, nor has any requests been made to my knowledge. I reached out and was given a list of things that his ex was requesting and claims she had sent to my family law attorney. I haven’t heard anything from the family law attorney about it, although he isn’t the attorney handling the estate. Some of the things on the list were things I had personally purchased and some I’m still currently paying for, some were destroyed in his accident, and others were just material items such as toys. I reached out to both my family law and estate attorney’s to see how to proceed. As I told his ex, I’m happy to give her things that are rightfully her daughter’s, and had I been asked personally, they would have already been given. Unfortunately with an estate with no will, there are SO many things that have to be handled through the estate attorney, and can’t be just given without approval by a judge. The big takeaway from this situation was that his ex asked that Chris’s daughter’s name and photos be taken off of my blog which I have spent quite some time tonight making sure has happened, so if you see changes to the page, please know that is the precipitating factor. I have no problem complying with these requests, because it is truly just how I feel like you should respond to a request as a decent human being. I am saddened that I have been portrayed as a “greedy b*tch” by people who don’t even know me. Not once have I ever taken anything from my stepdaughter, and I have tried over and over again to look out for what is best for her and to try to make sure she gets anything she possibly can, to only be met by “contact my lawyer” or false accusations by friends of the ex with statements like “all the court orders died along with Chris”. I am an independent woman who is self-sufficient financially and doens’t need a man to be able to make it. I have a great job, have invested well, and have multiple income revenues. It hurts to be degraded by people who don’t even know me, and literally live states away.

My personal growth for today is knowing my own value and worth, and knowing that my value is in my relationship with God and not in what other say of me. It doesn’t matter to me what false accusations people claim, or if they call me an “un-Christian and selfish” person. They are absolutely right when they say “someday you’ll have to answer to God about it”. I absolutely will, and SO WILL THEY. I live this life as God calls me to. We all fail, we all sin, and God loves us regardless; we just have to ask for forgiveness and turn away from those sins. The difference is, I truly have a relationship with God. I walk with and talk with Him daily. I know when I enter heaven He will look at me and say “Well done, good and faithful servant” and not “I never knew you”.

When I got back to College Station I got a fresh haircut, enjoyed some Starbucks, and shook off all of the negative vibes that had been thrown my way today on this “Sucky Saturday” with the request for these material goods that I don’t want or need. I have no room in my life to fear what others are saying about me, to fear what posts have been made on social media, or to fear what tomorrow will bring. Fear is a liar, because God is good, and His plans are perfect!