Metanoia

As I have shared before, I like to start off each new year not with a resolution, but with a focus. Every year I pray on what that one focus word or phrase should be for me for the year. It has been very interesting, since I started this practice, with how much my focus word or phrase really does end up being so fitting throughout the year. This year has already started as a year of huge change, and we are only a few weeks in. With that in mind, after much prayer and thought, I choose my focus word for 2023. Metanoia.

Interestingly enough my word for this year happens to be Greek just as my word for last year was. Metanoia means the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life, or the act of reforming; becoming new. This word couldn’t be more true for what I feel is in store for me and my family this year.

This year started with a whirlwind of changes. Zeke had his trach removed the first week of January, which although SO exciting, leads to so much change. He will be losing his nurses in the next couple weeks which is huge for all of us. His nurses have become family, and they will be missed dearly. We are already adjusting to new routines with less nursing coverage than before and trying to get accustomed to this new normal. The biggest change will be for Zeke when he attends school for the first time without a nurse by his side. To top all this off, Zeke lost his first two teeth which made my momma heart hurt, as it was such a stark reminder of how quickly he is growing up on me.

We also had the change of welcoming Zeke’s au pair, Carmen, to our family just two days after getting his trach removed. Carmen has joined us from Mexico and will be living with us for a year. My hope was that having her here would help Zeke socially and emotionally adjust to not having nurses by his side 24 hours a day. It was a huge blessing that Carmen previously taught Kindergarten before coming to us, and is able to help Zeke with his Spanish, and me too. Zeke adores her and tells everyone she’s “my Carmen”. We have been beyond blessed to have Carmen with us, which makes that change so wonderful.

In contrast to these joyous changes, over the past 10 months I have been dealing with ongoing turmoil in coparenting with my children. While I can’t go into any details at this time, the entire ordeal has already been life changing. This struggle lead to my move to College Station and a shift in goals and plans for the future. Regardless of what happens in this area, there will be ramifications from this that will forever change our dynamics.

I’ll save the announcement of the biggest changes that are likely coming for a subsequent blog post, but what I can say is that huge life altering changes will be coming our way this year, or at least that is the plan, God willing. I know my younger self would be living in constant fear of these changes and fretting about not knowing what is to come. However, along with my personal growth, I’ve grown even stronger in my walk with God and I am choosing to be still, even if things seem chaotic to me. That’s why I confidently choose metanoia as my focus word for the year. This life of mine is a journey without a doubt, and I’m looking confidently forward to this year and the changes coming in my mind, heart, self, and way of life. I will not fear these changes because I know God’s plans are perfect, and FEAR IS A LIAR!