The start of the year is always a time where I feel particularly called to declutter, reassess my goals, and start new or adjust my current routines. This new year feels like more of a new beginning of sorts than other new years that I can recall. In reflecting, surviving the past year since Chris’s death, gave a feeling of a weight being lifted for making it to the anniversary milestone, and not feeling completely defeated. I believe this is what is bringing that feeling and urge of starting new. Each year I pick a focus or intention word or phrase for the year, and usually get a bracelet made with the word on it so that it is a daily reminder of my focus. This year, I prayed on what I wanted my focus to be, and I kept getting the vibes of new beginnings, fresh start, and a clean slate. With that in mind the phrase I picked this year is “Tabula Rasa which is Latin for clean slate, or the chance to start fresh. Now having a focus word for the year doesn’t magically make it happen, which is obvious in seeing my new year new me post is coming at the end of January.
I started picking a focus word or phrase a few years ago and made the decision to get a bracelet made each year with the word or phrase on it, so that I can wear my word/phrase in a place I can constantly see it as a reminder. My first year the phrase was “Let it Be”, last year’s was “Be Still” and of course this year is “Tabula Rasa”. I found that having a focus word/phrase, and having it in constant view has been super beneficial. I stole the idea from my sister Kendra who has done this for some time as well. I have a feeling that seeing it constantly will be even more important this year. I have a few goals for the year, all of which are focused on starting over, new beginnings, and clean slates.
One goal that has to be a focus this year is my health. While I have done a good job of keeping 80 of the 100 pounds I have once lost off for over a decade, I have let that extra 20 slip back on, and I’m not feeling quite as comfortable in my skin right now. To me it isn’t about a number on the scale at all; it’s about feeling comfortable in my own skin, fitting into my clothes and feeling beautiful in them, and most importantly about being a healthy mom for my kids, so that I can be active with them. When I get discouraged I like to look at these pictures to remind me how far I’ve come, where I’ve been, and of the importance of feeling comfortable in my own skin. The first photo is in 2009, the second only 6 months later in 2010, and the last is in 2020 and the size that I feel most comfortable.
A huge part of this journey of course is eating healthier. I already know that CARBS ARE NOT MY FRIEND; they literally make me puff up and feel so sluggish. I also need to monitor my gluten intake since my intolerance to it makes me pretty miserable when I do have gluten. Long story short it’s back to lean meats, lots of veggies and fruits, and limiting my carbs/gluten. My significant other tried to get me to do whole 30, but I am realistic in the fact that I KNOW I can’t give up dairy. I love my cheese too much for that! Another portion of getting healthy again is that I know I need to be exercising. While running is definitely still my love, I needed something that I could do with my kids, and that was more group oriented to help me stay accountable. This is how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, BJJ, entered my life.
I did my trial week of classes at Brazos Valley Mixed Martial Arts, BVMMA, back in December and fell in love with the classes. BJJ is such an awesome full body workout; my abs were screaming for several days after my first class and doing certain moves across the mat. It also was enticing to me because it is all about learning technique. It doesn’t matter how big or strong you are; if you have good technique you can take down someone much stronger or bigger than you are. It is also great for self defense which is always a good thing to learn. My significant other was taking classes and convinced me to try, and I am SO thankful he did. Not only can I feel myself getting stronger and more confident, but my kids also took an interest in it. Both Kyleigh and Grace started classes in January as well and have really been enjoying them. Grace wants to go every time she can to classes which makes me so happy. I will say that BVMMA definitely feels more like a family than just a place to work out, which I appreciate more than anything. The coaches were quick to learn our names, ask about my kiddos if they have missed a class, and the other people in the classes have been huge in helping me learn new things. They are great about teaching me how to correct things when I do them wrong in a beneficial way. It has been an awesome experience so far, and I can’t wait to see what all we learn and how we improve both our BJJ skills, but also our strength and health.
Other than my health, my focus for this year is to truly have a new beginning. Although I know I won’t be in Caldwell forever, I came to the realization that I WILL be in Caldwell for the next 13 years or so, and I need to really make the most of the time that I am going to be stuck here. With that said, I’ve made the decision to add onto my house and remodel some on the inside. I’ve been in my house for almost 4 years now, and while it really is a nice set up for us, we could use a little more room. I’m planning an addition of a new master suite, and expanding the kitchen to make for more space. Along with this both existing bathrooms need updated showers/tubs and I want new floors throughout the house. I have hated the tile in my house from the moment I moved in, and I can’t wait to get something different. The exciting and scary part of this is that this remodel/addition, will force me to really go through our stuff and purge all the things we don’t want or need; think Marie Kondo and tidying up. I try to purge things in the house fairly frequently, but I know I haven’t done it in at least a year and a half. I also have almost an entire side of my two car garage filled with stuff that I had put aside for a garage sale pre-covid, that still hasn’t happened. To make matters worse, some of it includes boxes that have been in the garage since I moved in that were never actually put away anywhere. YIKES! Needless to say this will be a HUGE undertaking and clean slate process, but I am absolutely over the moon excited about it and how it will truly feel like a fresh start with a “new” house, even though I won’t be leaving Caldwell…yet.
My final big focus for the year is starting new professionally. When I entered my counseling program, I chose a masters program that not only trained me to be a school counselor, but also trained me to be a licensed professional counselor, or LPC. The LPC certification will allow me to have a private practice if I ever chose to. I completed all my coursework, but didn’t take the certification exam yet since taking the exam starts the timeline for getting your hours in to be certified. After passing the exam, you have 18 months to complete 3000 hours of counseling under an LPC supervisor. After attending a counseling seminar last year, I was encouraged to go ahead and do this. I’ve worked too hard completing all of the course work to not finish the certification. That goal not only put me on the search for an LPC supervisor to work under, but also had me looking at other programs to continue growing my career. At that same conference I learned about a PhD program that I didn’t know about previously. I had looked into a PhD program at A&M but was discouraged to find that it was not a working program, and I would have to be a full time student, with no job for a minimum of three years, which is just not possible for a single mom. The program I learned about at my conference is a working program through Sam Houston State. After much research and prayer, I made the decision to apply for the PhD program in December. IF I get accepted, the program wouldn’t start until the fall of this year, but seems like it would be an amazing fit. The program is for a PhD in counselor education which would allow me to either be the lead counselor over a counseling program for an entire charter or district, OR allow me to go into academia as a college professor teaching students how to be counselors while they are working on their master degrees in counseling. The college professor route seems like a dream goal for me to aspire. I don’t want to change careers now, but in the future, when my children have all graduated, the goal of being an online college professor opens up the door for me to travel and enjoy so many opportunities. I’m praying that I get accepted to the program, but in the meantime it is still my ultimate goal.
As fearful as I am of failing to get healthier, or not getting into the PhD program, I’ve now spoken it into existence, which is a huge step. It means that I now have made these goals public knowledge which means you get to help keep me accountable. It also means that I have nothing to fear about failing at these goals because I know God’s plans are perfect even if they aren’t my plans, and that FEAR IS A LIAR!
Fear is a Liar 
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