Thankful Thanksgiving

I anticipated that Thanksgiving would be difficult, and to be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving was the last holiday I was able to spend with Chris, and the last time we were able to have a “normal” family function before his death. I went into Thanksgiving week with a plan to have something to do every day of the week so that my time would be occupied. I also volunteered to host Thanksgiving this year to guarantee that the kids and I wouldn’t be spending the holiday alone. God showed up in big ways, as usual, and although there has been moments of grief this week, overall, I have been consistently reminded of for what I have to be thankful.

I started my week off continuing a tradition that Chris and I started several a couple years ago of hiking, or being in nature in some way on Thanksgiving. My first big hike with Chris that made me forever love hiking was over Thanksgiving in Arkansas, so I wanted to make sure I took time to hike this week. Since I knew it would be a busy week a day trip was what I wanted. I started talking to a guy I know from church a few weeks ago who also likes to hike, and asked him if he would like to go with me. We went hiking in Georgetown on the San Gabriel River Trail. My sister had suggested it, and it was absolutely beautiful, although I’m pretty sure the main reason she suggested it was because she wanted an excuse to eat dinner together and to meet the guy I’m talking to. The hike was just what I needed to start the week. Crockett Garden Falls was absolutely beautiful; it gave me total fairie garden vibes. I also got to experience a hiking first for me. My friend brought his drone and flew it in a few areas of the hike to get the most amazing pictures, including one of us sitting on the edge of a cliff. It was really amazing, and I can only imagine what type of amazing photos I could have gotten at places I’ve hiked had I used a drone. We did end up meeting my sister, and her husband and kiddos for dinner after our hike, and my sister to advantage of the time to ask ALL the questions. I was thankful that my friend hung in there with the questioning. It ended up being a great day and a good start to the week.

Tuesday morning started off with a wonderful surprise when I received a message from my favorite photographer with a link to the family photos we took a couple weeks ago. I always do the mini sessions in the fall when Amber offers them, and she never ceases to amaze me. She has an incredible way of capturing our chaos in such a beautiful way. This photo shoot was a little stressful, because last year when we took photos, Chris was there with us; I will forever cherish those family photos.

Tuesday afternoon I had my final tattoo appointment to finish my sleeve. Finishing out my sleeve has been a long process and taken almost 9 months to complete fully. I absolutely love tattoo days. I know I have talked about my love for “ink therapy” before, but finishing a piece is always bittersweet. It is so nice to have a piece finished, but it is always nice looking forward to your next session. I know that I will be getting more tattoos, but I don’t have anything else scheduled moving forward, because I don’t know exactly what I want yet, or where I want to go. I will either move to my right thigh, or my back, but I just haven’t nailed it down yet. I know that it has to happen organically so I guess I am “done for now”.

Wednesday was spent at the audiologist with Zeke. Zeke received his baha hearing device a couple of months ago, but unfortunately had already lost it. We had to order a replacement, and he got it on Wednesday. It is absolutely amazing how much of a difference the hearing device makes for him with speech. He is already attempting and being successful at more words even in the past 24 hours of having the device again. It is absolutely amazing how technology has changed lives with devices like these.

As Thanksgiving day finally arrived, I woke up early, but laid in bed for quite a while just thinking and wondering what the day would hold. I was excited to get my big kids back from their dad’s house, but also knew they might have a difficult day dealing with grief. As I prepared for the Thanksgiving meal, I was joyful in my preparation. I was thankful to have family coming, and I was excited to prepare food for them. I really do love cooking and hosting people, but I hadn’t hosted a big group of people or made a large amount of food like this since before Chris passed away. I was super thankful when the guy I’m talking to stopped in to drop of a mint cream pie in a chocolate crust. Not only do I LOVE mint chocolate, but it was nice to get to see him briefly since he was having to work.I stopped by my good friend Pat’s house for a bit around lunch to say hello during their festivities before returning to the cooking. Pat always makes sure she invites me to their holiday events to make sure I can celebrate with my other family if I am not doing anything with mine. When I returned home I went back to cooking, and was excited to hear my big kids pull up in the drive with their dad. I quickly realised though as I walked out to great them that grief was rearing its ugly head. Both girls were in tears and quickly told me that they were sad and missing Chris. I did all I could to comfort them, and got them to help me with the food prep. The house was a buzz as family started to arrive. My family, Chris’s dad and son, and Zeke’s dad all came to celebrate and eat together. The guy I am talking to was even able to stop by for about an hour after his shift ended, and before he headed to his family Thanksgiving. It was a wonderful time of togetherness, food, conversation, and fun.

Since I’ve had a week to process the holidays, and truly reflect on how things went, I must say that I am blessed. I was so fearful that Thanksgiving would be awful since it was the last “normal” holiday before Chris’s death. I was fearful that the kids and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the time together without grief taking control, and I was fearful that I would fail as a hostess since it had been so long since I had hosted people at my house. As usual, my fears were all unwarranted. Yes, there were brief moments of grief, but the overwhelming theme of our Thanksgiving was celebration. Celebrating Chris’s life through great stories and memories, celebrating family by enjoying our time together, and celebrating all of the things in which we have to be thankful. I need to remember in my moments of being fearful that I need to just celebrate first, because God has it all in control, and FEAR IS A LIAR!